You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Randomize
