I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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