My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
