last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
