Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
