I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
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