I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
