I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
