Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
