so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
