I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
