I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
