honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
