Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
