I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
