whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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