textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
