I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
