what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
