remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
