I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We have so much sex to catch up on
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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