Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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