I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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