i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
