It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
