Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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