Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
