Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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