And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
