So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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