I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize