Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
