I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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