one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Randomize
