He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
