She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
accomplished twins. life is a go
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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