wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
