It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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