actually, I'm a sock model
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
