we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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