There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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