i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
