I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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