She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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