all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize