I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
