I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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