Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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