we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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