I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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