I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize