fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
