I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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