That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize