just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize