Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
