I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
