Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
