when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
