so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
