Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
