I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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