I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
